Its already a new year, but i'm still facing the same situation. What difference does it make? Despite all the bullshit i'm facing i'm still studying hard nevertheless. If i wanna succeed, its necessary to get good results. So i think its about time i quit playing around and start tackling the books.
ps. I'm only blogging when i'm free now.
How can one person make you feel depressed and overjoyed at the same time ? I hate it when i don't have the courage to tell him how i feel and bear the rejection and pain for awhile instead of this. Trying my best to live up to his expectations and hoping I'd be good enough. Why do i always have this feeling in my guts telling me ' you're not pretty enough', ' you're not smart enough', ' you're not talented enough'. WHYY!? Gosh I'm tired of trying to live up to peoples expectations, but yet i want him so badly. I'm not demanding anything, just that i really wish he'd appreciate me and love me for who i am. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, don't care what you did as long as you love me.
In my eyes i cant see me without you , in other words i need you. You're always able to keep the butterflies fluttering in my tummy. We talk almost every night before i went to bed. I assumed you have somewhat a little feeling for me? But the irony is, you only see me as a friend or someone to talk to when you're bored. And i doubt you'll ever have feelings for me. I'm only being indifferent so i can show you how strong and independent i am. But deep down inside I'm dying and all you can say is Permanent Head Disease? (PHD) !?! WHAT THE *#$&@*#!*!?!
SORRY BUT I HAVE AN URGENT NEED TO DIGRESS
And as for you ass hole. What the fuck did you even come back for when you know you're not gonna stay? I to think i actually thought you were different that all the others. WHAT?? You say you love me ? Owh really prove it ? I know what I've done to you in the past. Yes i was foolish. I've made my mistakes, I'm not perfect and NEITHER ARE YOU! I know this is a cliche term but nobodies perfect. You wan me.. you've gonna have to accept the whole package. And that includes all my flaws and faults. Why the fuck you had to lie to me ?! Why? cant face the truth that you can only stick to one girl ? Scared of losing me but you don't exactly want me either ? Why??? You came back for a month and left me hanging for 2 month and then you came back telling me you love me at the same time you're with another girl? WHAT THE FUCK? I've officially had enough of your stupid, insignificant, condescending games ! It took me years to realise that you're just another side track in making me lose focus on the real goals in life.
When i finally found someone i truly love (which clearly all i want is 'him' right now), someone perfect in my eyes, someone honest, someone faithfull and loyal, someone caring, someone compatible and protective (but not overly protective). I'll hold him so tight and love him with all my strength and prove it to you I no longer want or need you. You'll be just another fragment of my past that i'll try my best to forget. You'll be more than insignificant in my life is truly an understatement. I'll have absolutely no space or room left for in my heart or mind. :) soo i suggest you should quit the BULLSHIT hun and go get a life.
The 1st pic i took in 2011!!!
There's is nothing going on between us. We're just close friends :D
My new year resolutions are
- Study harder!
- Stop trying to live up to everyones expectations
- Quit all the bullshit that's sidetracking me
- Be completely rid of you
- Tolerate friends
- pass piano grade 8
